Running, Singing, & Clapping

OK...so in order to tell you this story I need to give you some history.

We moved when I was about 9 years old. Loved the new house, my room was at the front of the house and I was just super excited about all the things that came along with the house, 2 story, pool etc. What I did not realize came with the house, was the crazy running singing man who would run by our house every morning around 6:00. The first time I heard (was awoken) by him, I looked out my window and saw the craziest looking guy. He was pretty big, running pretty slow, and was breathlessly belting out Pour Some Sugar On Me. He had some of those leopard pants on and long stringy blond hair. This was the beginning of our beautiful relationship. Every morning for years he would run by my house singing the best of the 80s. As he got smaller, the songs got louder, but the hair stayed the same. So......

Cut to this morning. I was running and I like to choose songs that are inspirational to run to. They have to be loud and have a good beat and I am good. Well this morning, I was dying to sing along with the song Stronger by Britney Spears. I held back, but there was a part where she says "Stronger than yesterday" and then there is a *clap clap*. And Lord help me I did the clap clap this morning....I couldn't help it! I definitely garnered some interesting looks, stares and smiles. Is this the beginning? I am turning into the crazy running singing man....or more appropriately the crazy running singing clapping girl!

Beware...she runs, sings and claps. She's taking over your neighbor gyms and tracks.

Could It Be???

I think I may have almost lost my double chin!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!

And my eyes are getting bigger....

My First Vlog!

OK...before you watch this, forgive all the um's and the crazy eyes. :) Making a vlog is a lot harder than it looks! (Apparently I am long winded so give it a second, I promise it will load)

Inspiration

Found this on youtube and will be using it as inspiration for my 1/2 marathon. Thought ya'll might enjoy!

Well Hello to You Too Doctor!!!

So I mentioned a while back that my foot was hurting and I thought it was the shoes. So I stopped running/walking for a week and went to Run On to get fitted for some proper running shoes. This Sunday was my first day out and I walked 4 miles. A little pain but not too bad. This morning I ran/walked for 30 minutes and by the time I got to work I was really in some pain.

(The arrow is demonstrating where my foot hurts, so for any of you experts out there who want to diagnose me, I am all yours. Hell, even you WebMD worshipers can give it a shot!)

 I decided to give in a call the doctor to see if he could get me in today because I was really tired of this. I finally made up my mind to do something, I have a goal and then BAM...I get knocked back into reality. Anywhoozle, I go in to see him and he tells me that he thinks that it is inflamed yadda, yadda, yadda, take this antinflamatory, you can walk, but not run, and we'll see how it goes.

Then he starts looking at my chart. I have been going to this Dr. for the last 14 years and my entire chart is like a page and a half. I really do not like going to the doctor. So he starts to ask me about my neck and shoulders. Apparently everytime I have gone in I have mentioned that as an issue. I told him that I pretty much always have issues and sleep with a heating pad on a semi regular basis because it hurts so bad sometimes. He then took a moment to call the nurse into the examine room. I was not prepared for what happened next. The man reached out and grabbed/lifted my boobs. He then said..."How does this feel?" Being totally taken off guard I said..."Awkward?!" He laughed and said that he was trying to demonstrate what kind of relief I might get from a breast reduction. I was shocked! I said, "You mean like a breast reduction that is covered by insurance??" He said the "Yes" and that I had quite a history of pain so it may be time to look into it. He wants to wait about a year to let my weight loss level off but that he thinks in the future that we may need to go in that direction.

Ack!!! Who knew going in to have my foot looked at would end in going to 2nd base with my doctor. It may or may not happen. Who knows, I could lose a lot more weight in the boobs and then I wouldn't need one. We shall see but there is hope for the girls, it would be nice to be pointing up again! :)

Addiction, Accusations, and an Announcement

Lots of things rollin' around in my head these last few days and I need to let them out before my brain turns to mush.

Addiction -
First off, I've got to start with my lunch choice on Friday. Before the band, that was a typical meal. I would eat the whole thing and then go on to have something similar for dinner.. Without even thinking, that sandwich is what I wrote on the order form. When I got the sandwich, I didn't stop and say, "Wow, I really shouldn't eat this." I took a bite of it just like old times. I was acting as if the whole last 6 months had never happened. I wasn't even really craving that sandwich as much as I was craving my old way of eating. I wanted to take big bites and eat till I was full if not overfull. I wanted the sandwich to make me feel good....and it didn't do that. In fact I only got two bites before I was stuck. That's where the band comes in. The band was able to step in when my will power failed. The band made me stop and think. The majority of the time I eat well. Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, grilled chicken, veggies, and fruit. I know how to eat. I have been on so many diets in my life I could write a book, but the missing piece for me was the band. If this had happened to me 7 months ago, after dieting on my own, I would have begun the downward spiral and thrown away everything good that I had accomplished. BUT it is not 7 months ago. I have a band now and it puts a distance between me and my food. It is my "pause button" if you will. I have always joked about being addicted to food but I really am starting to see, from behaviors like Friday, that there is probably some truth to that. I relied on food to make me feel good. I didn't crave the taste, but I craved the feeling, the fullness. Happy, sad, mad, stressed, whatever....food was my drug of choice. I don't think that I will ever truely get rid of it either. I think I can learn to control it, learn to outsmart it, but I am pretty sure that 1 year down the road this will still be something that I struggle with. (Man, I really don't like self reflection)

Accusations -
Very few of my friends know about the band (my sister doesn't even know). Not because I am embarrassed but because I need to feel free from the pressure to lose weight and I feel like if everyone knows that I have had this surgery then I will need to "perform" if you will. So one of my friends who does know, asked me today, how much weight I had lost. I have really avoided telling anyone this number because I get tired of the reactions. They say "That's great!" and then ask what my final goal is, which I am not going to tell them, or they say "Wow" and can't believe I actually was so overweight that I could lose 50 lbs. Which for me is really just a drop in the bucket.
Well the reaction I got today was....different. She accused me of losing too much weight. She acted like she was horrified that I was going to continue to lose weight. Saying, "I don't know where you will lose it from" and things like that. I was so angry with her that I started listing the things that I wanted to be able to do like sit on an airplane and buckle the seat belt, shop in a regular size clothing store, regain feeling in my right hip from where the seat belt cuts into it everyday. I said "These are all things that normal sized people can do!" After I finished my long list of things (no one can accuse me of not having goals), she turned and looked at me and said, "So you are telling me that if we went to a store like NY&Co, you wouldn't be able to fit into any of the clothes there?" and I said yes and was instantly humiliated. I never in a million years would have ever thought that I would have to defend myself for losing weight and then to have to admit, out loud to someone, the things that I am most ashamed of/embarrased by in regards to my weight.
This is someone who I consider to be a very close friend. Otherwise she wouldn't have known about the band in the first place. I plan on having a conversation with her about how I felt today during our conversation. I don't know if she was trying to make me feel better by pretending that she didn't "see" me as overweight or what. I am freaking 258 lbs. It isn't a matter of opinion, I am overweight. I accept it, why should I have to fight someone to get them to accept it too? Anyway...sorry this was so long. I just needed to get it off my chest. She just doesn't understand and has never had this kind of struggle before and I honestly don't feel like I have to explain it to her. She should just support, ya know?

Announcement -
I am going to participate in the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon in February 2011. Ack!!! I am so excited I can't stand it. I have my training schedule ready to go, went and got fitted at RunOn for some new shoes and can't wait to kick this into gear! Wish me luck!

What the Hell Was I Thinking?!?!?!?!

This is what I ordered for lunch today....

How is it possible that me, a rational thinking human, who gets stuck cottage cheese, would ever think that I could eat this? However, when the order form came around, I sure did mark my usual turkey melt and slap down my money. Oh and in case you were wondering, that is a GIANT side of ranch on the right hand side of the picture, you know, for my french fries. That way I can pretend like I am eating carrots and celery.

So now, I am stuck...at work...and I have to go in and read for a kinder class in 15 minutes. Please pray that I don't traumatize those poor babies and pb in front of them.

This just proves that although I have come a long way in improving my food choices, there is still a part of me that has a long way to go. I am now going to go offer my sandwich, fries, and giant side of ranch to one of my coworkers in hopes that they will take it and at the very least throw it away for me because I don't think I can do it.

Thousand Word Thursday

OMG...it is almost like Amy has access to my mind. Two Thursdays in a row she has chosen two things that are near and dear to my heart....decorating....and this week....JEWELRY!!!!

God grant me the ability

to purchase the necklaces that I can find;

to order online the ones I can't;

and wisdom to ask for free shipping.

Here it goes ladies....

This is a good majority of my collection....I know....I have a problem.

I LOVE this necklace. It goes with everything. Everytime I wear it, I get bombared with quetions about where I got it and how can they get one....seriously almost every one of my bosses has one of these now.

I love the ribbon that weaves through this one.

This is my newest aquisition. Love it and love it even more because I got it on clearance.

Thanks Amy for picking such great topics! I can't wait to see what you pick next week.

Tee Hee Hee

Bought some jeans today....

size 20....

felt good. :)

A Sweet Award!

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I believe in the power of kindness. I believe that no matter how angry or upset you are, you are in control of your actions and you can always choose to be nice (or choose to not say anything at all and just blog about it later). So I guess if I could change anything, I would take back those times I lost my temper, take back those times I used harsh words, and take back those times I was not the best reflection of myself. (Is that too Sallly Sunshine?)


2. Pick 4 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.
Kristen - I believe she may love photography as much as I do!
Kristin - Seriously has one of the most amazing closets I have ever seen. It looks bigger than my first apartment
MLM - She and I share a passion for fabulous cupcakes
Kerri - Another picture lover

3. You have to thank the person who gave you the award.

Thank you to The Banded Lady for giving me this wonderful award. She must have read my cupcake post. :) She has not been blogging long but she has already found her place in this great community! She leaves the best comments too! Thank you!!!!

Mmmm....Funyons

So, yesterday I was reading the fabulous Tessie Rose's latest post and she talked about Funyons. Suddenly, all I could think about was Funyons. I haven't had Funyons in YEARS. Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you see it) we have Funyons in our vending machine. I debated for all of 10 seconds and went off to get my very own bag. Now I told my assistant principal that I was going to bring the bag into his office, take out two delicious rings and give him the rest of the bag. His instruction were to crumple up the contents of said bag and throw them into the trash can. Sounded like a good plan right????

I head to the lounge and put my money into the machine. 10 dimes and the push of a couple of buttons seperated me from my prize. I get the dimes in, and push A6...here they come....oh....but....wait...they are stuck....really?? I shake the machine a little....do a little banging...realize that one of the district maintenece guys is sitting in there so I can't use my ample backside to give the machine a good bump (there is a lot of power in my bump...er...whatever)...so I walk away. I figure, it just isn't meant to be. However, I did send this email out to the staff...

To my dear (school name) family,
In a moment of weakness, I went to the lounge and purchased a bag of Funyons. Apparently, it was not meant to be. The bag is stuck in the machine. I am going to take that as a sign that I should not have that delicious afternoon treat. So, if you happen to be the lucky one who can remove the Funyons from the machine, then please enjoy this free treat…and if you happen to save me just one of those wonderful rings, I would be eternally grateful.

Thank you.

Oh Funyons, why do you make me behave so....I think I am going to have them removed from the machine. Have a happy Tuesday! :)

6 Months Down...A Lifetime To Go

UPDATE: Well if you didn't think I was an idiot by now, this will seal the deal. I am not 6 month banded but I am 6 months on this jouney. I have lost 52 pounds since March 12th and 30 of those pounds since surgery. Sometimes I confuse myself. I knew I had been doing something for 6 months. :) Thanks CindyLew for the gentle correction.

So today is offically 6 months of living with the band. I am down 52 pounds. Woo Hoo!!!! I finally wrote out my long boring history with being overweight. You don't have to read it. I am warning you it is really long and I am not a great writer, but I needed to post it for me. I needed a record.

How do you chronicle a lifetime of being overweight? Where to you pin point the beginning? Is that even possible? I am not quite sure that it is so I am just going to say that I can never remember being skinny. Every memory I have of myself and weight is unpleasant, for lack of a better word. I grew up with an older sister who was skinny like a rail. She was one of those size 0’s that could (and did) eat ice cream for breakfast and never gain a pound. In fact there was a time when, my parent’s goal was to get her to gain some weight. So needless to say, I always compared myself to her…and I take no pleasure in the fact that she struggles with her weight now…well…maybe a little.
I won’t bore you with the countless stories from Jr. High. Like the time I refused to go on a church ski trip because they needed your weight for some obscure purpose (still don’t know why), but at that time I was 13 years old and weighed 179 lbs. Or the time that I had to call my mom to pick me up because the zipper in my jeans had split because they were so tight.

December 1994 - Fall of junior year

Spring of my junior year in high school rolled around and my mom decided she was going to take me to a doctor. I had done all the diets you can think of with no luck. This doctor had this brand new program that my mom had heard about so she forked over the money, we went to the seminar and I started taking phentermine. You know, the safe half of Phen-Phen. :) I stopped eating and sleeping and I was a raging bitch. My parents had to force me to eat once they figured out what was going on but strangely they didn’t tell me to stop taking the pills. I dropped from a 22/24 down to a 12. The skinniest I can ever remember myself. Probably weighed close to what I did when I was 13 and felt huge. Funny how that works.

(At one of my Graduation Parties)

(Senior Picture...so serious, I was such a drama queen)

I left for college at a size 14. Stopped taking the pills because I wasn’t able to see the doctor on a regular basis and couldn’t get the prescription filled. Freshmen 15 and then some found me. I can remember one time I weighed myself my junior year and I was at 227. I was horrified that I had gotten to this point…again, but didn’t/wasn’t able to do anything about it. I wonder if it had something to do with all the beer I had in the fridge. :) Graduated at a size 22. Moved back to Dallas and got a job teaching 3rd grade. I was so excited and really loved what I was doing but my weight was still an issue. It got in the way of everything, but mainly my self confidence was just about nill. So one night, I was home and really depressed about the way my life was going, so I got on the internet and started looking for my good friend phentermine. Hey, it worked before, why not again?

(This was February 2001 at my cousin's 30th birthday party)

Lost down to a size 16. Felt pretty good about myself. This was spring/summer 2001.

Kept that off for about 2 years and then gained to a size 20. In 2004, I started running…a lot. And it was wonderful. One of my friends would run with me and we are/were pretty competitive. If she said she had run 4 miles that day and I had only run 3 I would go out and run another mile and a half just so I could say I had run more, and she would do the same. I was down to a 9 minute mile. I was doing one 5K a month. The weight loss was slow during this time but my body felt soooo good. I gained some confidence, started dating again but only really made it to a size 16 but I didn’t care! I felt great! The lowest I remember my weight being during this time was 196. It had been so long since I had seen a number in the 100’s I could barely believe it. It didn’t last very long but I was definitely happy during this time in my life.

(At my college roomates bachelorette party)

Summer of 2006 my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Plus which looks like Parkinson’s but isn’t. It is hard to explain but basically the automatic functions of his body are slowly degenerating and basically you treat symptoms to maintain quality of life but will not be able to stop the progression. This was devastating to our family (and still is). So how does one cope with this? Eat…and eat I did. I had also quit smoking and spending money because I had made a goal to be credit card debt free. (Which I am now, woo hoo!) So two of my vices that I had relied on when I cut out the bad eating were suddenly gone and I was in crisis.
And on top of all that, my running buddy got married and moved to Ohio, I was in year two of grad school, and had moved from a classroom position to a support position. Lots of changes. So the weight started to come back. I tried a few last ditch efforts, including a $2000 program through the Cooper Clinic, but never got the results I wanted. I became assistant principal one year later, and then principal a year after that. All very fast and very stressful. So that brings me to my all time high of 313 lbs on March 5th, 2010.

(That's me on the far left. I cropped my big old butt out of the picture before I sent it out to the staff)

Wow! If you are still reading you deserve a prize. This was kind of the drive by version but it is done and I can now let it go, move on and embrace this new way of life. With the help of my band I am never going back there again.

I can't wait to see what the next 6 months will bring.

PS - I can't believe I am publishing this...

NSV alert!

So I had a pretty unexpected NSV this morning. I had two photo shoots scheduled today. One for a precious little one year old and the other for a good friend who is pregnant. I haven't done a shoot in several weeks and when I went to put on my camera strap (it crosses my body), I had to tighten it!!!! Woot! Here are a few pictures from today's sessions. Enjoy!

I am working on my 6 month post for tomorrow. I have yet to really get serious and put down my history and hope to spend some time working on that today. It just isn't may favorite thing to talk about ya know? But I believe it is important so I am going to try. Have a great weekend everyone!!!

New Running Shoes = Fail

Hold out your glasses ladies, because I am about to pour the whine.

I blogged about my new running shoes on my "Favorite Things" post and realize now that it may have been a little premature. :( My right foot is killing me. It started on Saturday after I did my hour walk. I didn't walk on Sunday and then walked and ran on Monday and Tuesday. My foot hurt but not enough to stop me from running. So I asked our school nurse (gotta take advantage of free resources) what she thought, because I didn't want to keep running and really do some permanent damage if there really was something wrong. She suggested I stay off it for a couple days and see how I feel. I was disappointed because I really felt like I was making some progress in my running (we can deal with how crazy that sentence sounds later), but I took her advise and laid off the exercise.

Now here we are, two days later and it still hurts. :(

Was it my new shoes? Did I really injure myself?

Should I try to run tomorrow and see what happens? I just don't know. I really want to work out tomorrow (again we will deal with that crazy statement later)

The last thing I want is for it to get so bad that I go to the doctor and he tells me to stay off it for some crazy amount of time. It doesn't really hurt that bad, but I just worry that it is the beginning of something. Does any of this make sense? Am I just being over sensitive? I just don't know. Learning how to listen to your body is hard I guess.

Anyway, on a different note I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and am hoping that I will finally make the 50 lbs lost goal that I have trying to reach for weeks now. I also hope to get about a .5 fill. I feel some restriction, but protein does not hold me for more than 2 hours and I feel hungry a lot. So here's hoping tomorrow will bring me my sweet spot.

Thank you for all you sweet words about my house. Decorating is one of my most favorite things to do. I wish I could invite you all over for my open house. Who knows, maybe the next BOOBS will be in Dallas!!!

Thousand Word Thursday

So Amy over at Babbles of a Bandster posted another topic for Thousand Word Thursday, and I am super excited about this one...

A decoration in your home that is very meaningful to you - a family heirloom,

a gift from your BFF, etc.

I love decorating. I just bought my first house in March and have been having a blast putting every room together, so I have SEVERAL pictures to share so bear with me.

Let's start with the wall in my dining room. I LOVE this wall. It is made up of special items that I have gotten from family members and friends. There are also pictures of my parents before they were married which I really love....

There are two of my very favorite things in this picture. Down in the bottom left hand corner is my vintage bottle drying rack. I searched for one of these forever and I love to hang glasses from it when I have parties. Also the two wreaths on the wall, I made from books and hung them up about 2 weeks ago.

This is my mantle. It is very special to me because my uncle built it for me. Plus...don't the curtains remind you of buttercream frosting. :)

This is a clock I found in Canton, TX at 1st Monday Trade Days. Totally worth a drive to Texas if you have never been. Just call me up and I'll be your tour guide.

Sorry that this one is a little fuzzy but this sits on my dresser in my bedroom. I have mentioned before that I love jewelry and this is where I like to display some of my favorite pieces.

I have so much more I would like to share but I think I may have over done it. Sorry, I was just excited. :)

Can't wait to see everyone else's pics!

One Cupcake Away from an Intervention...

Sweet mother of binge eating...I do not know what came over me this weekend. I had a good friend come in town this weekend and there are NO restaurants where she lives so one of her goals was to "make the rounds" so to speak. She does not know about the band and actually can't tell that I've lost weight since the last time she saw me I was smaller than I am now....which is depressing.

I think I did pretty well. My goal was just not to gain weight this weekend and if I hadn't had the band it would have been BAD....so that in and of itself is something to celebrate. We also walked every morning which helped. One morning we went for an hour which was a big step for me. I was soooo sore. It is amazing how different it feels to go past my regular 30 minute walk. I think I will start doing that every Saturday.

We pretty much ate out every meal. I made pretty good choices except for the cupcakes....we kind of made the rounds of cupcake places and if you have ever been to Dallas you know we have our share of bakeries, from Sprinkles to Dimples, we hit them all. AND IT WAS SO FREAKING GOOD!!!!!!! On the 8th day God must have created buttercream frosting....*drool*

Luckily, the scale did not go up this weekend so yea! I had to go buy new black pants just two weeks after I bought another set of black pants, so if anyone needs a nice barely worn pair of black pants, size 22, I will be posting them soon for the sisterhood.

Also, I bought a new dress. :) Size 18 :) I don't wear a size 18 in anything else and just got to a 20 in pants so I know that it has something to do with sizes varying so much but I don't care!!! It is nice to know I am wear an 18 instead of the 28 that it would have been 6 months ago. Ahhhh.....

I have so much more to share but have to leave for work, plus my camera broke so I can't post a picture. I will try to get a camera from work today. Hope everyone has a great Wednesday!!

PS - I think I may seriously be considering doing the Princess 1/2 marathon....I keep looking at the website....obsessing really....hmmm

This is a first!

I stepped away from the computer for one weekend and come back to find that I have been honored with multiple awards....er....one award multiple times. :) Big huge thanks to Seeing in Colour, Sam, Breanne and Pamela. This is my first award so I will try to do you all proud. It is nice to know that people are out there reading.

10 Things I like:

• Mani's and Pedi's
• Purses
• Jewelry
• Photography
• True Blood (OMG...this isn't your mama's vampire show)
• Family and Friends
• KARAOKE
• Buttercream frosting
• 1000 thread count sheets
• Fall
• Getting lost in a book

Nominate 10 people....I nominate all of my followers. You all deserve something for reading my crazy blog!

Thousand Word Thursday

My favorite feature right now is my hair. :) It never looks too fat in pants, it doesn't jiggle when I run (except when it is too windy and I look like a reject from the Pantene commercial.) One day I hope I can post my legs like Jennifer over at A Southern Girl's Journey, but for now I will settle for this!