I Fell Off the Wagon....

Hard! and I think it dragged me a few miles as well.

I ate yesterday. A lot. I ate when I wasn't hungry. I ate just to fill the time. I ate to avoid stress. I ate to make myself feel better. I ate when I KNEW I shouldn't and then I just did it anyway. It wasn't a great day. Just know that even after a year, I am still having to work on the mental part of this process. The difference is going to be what I do today. Will I start fresh? or Will I continue the pattern? That is what I need to use to judge my progress. So for those of you who are struggling out there, know that although not all of my posts talk about this (and maybe more of them should), I struggle every single day to make good food choices and yesterday I was not successful.

We shall see how today goes!

Happy Wednesday (Hopefully)

Old Pictures

Found some old pictures that I forgot I took back in September. I still have the jacket so I put it on for a side by side. I could barely get is closed before. I am not even sure what I was thinking wearing that jacket out! But, boy do I love comparisons. I

 am .8 lbs away from 110 lbs down and I have a feeling I am going to have to work for that .8. I hope everyone had a great weekend and a productive Monday!

Separated At Birth???

This weekend I went to Louisiana to celebrate my cousin's son's graduation from high school. When we pulled up to the house my other cousin came out and had on the exact same dress as me!!!! The only difference is that I was wearing a shirt with sleeves under it to hide the bat wings and she of course doesn't have that issue. :) 100lbs ago I would have been so embarrassed to be seen in the same dress as someone who was so much smaller than me. I would have hated the comparisons that I knew would be happening in peoples heads. But someone suggested we take a picture and I can say that I am not disgusted by how I look standing next to her! I have about 40 lbs to go and then we will have to take the picture again...

Hope everyone had a great weekend and I hope the bloggers in Louisana are spared any effects of the flooding going on down there and as always...I just pray the levees hold!

Shopping & Good Bangs

As you may or may not have figured out....I love to shop. It is something that I have always enjoyed. I love fashion and clothes and shoes and purses and....all of it! But up until yesterday, it has always been something I have done on my own. Shopping in the plus size section and struggling into something you think would look cute only to realize that it just makes you look like a stuffed sausage isn't much fun when you have friends tagging along to witness your mortification....until yesterday. :)

I am a big bargain hunter. I love a good sale and coupons and when a certain store has their 12 hour sale, I am there with coupons in hand....but normally alone. If I ever went with friends, I would hang out in the home section and just pretend that I wanted to spend my money on home stuff right now. Well the 12 hour sale happened yesterday and I went, with friends, and I tried stuff on, and bought stuff and never once stepped into the plus size section. It was awesome. I am so happy that I get to finally share this part of my life with my friends.

Here is one of the dresses I got!

Also....regular sized clothes are SO much cheaper than big girl clothes. HOLY COW!!!!!!

And now for good bangs....and get your minds out of the gutter. :)

I am thinking about getting bangs. I have wanted to do something different with my hair and have contemplated many different things....even going blonde. I went and saw the movie something borrowed last night and I couldn't stop looking at Ginnifer Goodwin's bangs. I LOVED them...so this may be my new look!

Is it the new me? Any advice is welcome!

Oh and a big Happy Mother's day to all out there in blog land!

I Am So Hungry

Three weeks ago, I made an appointment for a small fill. I was looking to tweak just a little of my restriction because although my mornings were really good, I could eat just about everything in the evenings so I just wanted a smidge of a fill. Well I had to wait a week for that appointment and during that time, my band started to tighten up. So much so that I was starting to have some heartburn almost every evening. And ever since my band slipped back at the beginning of the year, I am a little paranoid. So I went ahead and went to the appointment but did not get a fill. We talked about where I was restriction wise and the heartburn really was the determining factor for not getting another fill.

So now, two weeks after that appointment, I am super tight. For the last three days I have had heartburn everyday and it does not go away with the pepcid. I am also having a hard time drinking water and protein shakes are out. So....in I go for an unfill. I don't understand this band at all. I am at 5.25 and at one point last year I was at 7 cc and did great.

Part of me says to wait it out and see if it loosens up, but that was what I did last time and I ended up with a slipped band. Am I losing weight? Yes. Am I doing it the right way? No. I should be able to eat good solid protein and that is so not happening right now. Am I scared that if I go get an unfill, I will lose the good restriction I had before? Yes. But after having this band with me for a year, I am realizing more and more that this isn't a diet. This is a way of life...a change of life and I need to be able to live with my eating habits for the rest of my life.  This isn't healthy, plus who knows what kind of damage all this heartburn is doing to my stoma as we speak. So unfill here I come.

I am not upset about the situation, this is an on going process. The journey to a normal weight is going to be filled with ups and downs and trial and error. And as a control freak,:)  I need to be ok with that. So wish me luck! I hope the fill will be tiny and the heartburn will be gone!

And since I feel naked without a picture on my posts, here is a random picture of my new headband.