A Cookie the Size of My FACE!!!!!

I had one of these today....

....and some cheetos

and a pimento cheese sandwich (with the bread!).....

oh and I had one (two) slices of this amazing red velvet cake

(my two pieces barely equaled the size of one of these but I couldn't find a pic smaller)

....and a mini Coke.

It was over the course of 4 hours so I wouldn't call it a binge....but is was definitely an emotional response to some crazy work stress. I even made plans to go out after work to have nachos...NACHOS!!!! I called on the drive to the restaurant and told my friend that I wasn't hungry so I wouldn't be able to meet her. I haven't been hungry the rest of the evening. I think I will have a popsicle in a little bit and just call it a day.

I have to be honest....this was kind of scary. It happened without thinking. I am happy that I was able to finally recognize what I was doing and make a decision to stop. My fear though, is that next time I won't stop, I won't recognize that I have slipped back into some bad eating habits and I'll go off the deep end.

But today I stopped...so there's hope for tomorrow.

Full Body Shot

So in honor of my half way point and because I want to remember....Here is a comparison shot.

The one on the left is at 269 (look at my butt peaking out past my arm) and the one on the right is at 243.

All you newbies out there take a lesson from me! I do not have a picture of me at my highest and it is a huge regret! As much as I hate the picture on the left I would have loved to have seen the difference between me at my highest (313) and now. Oh well!

I think Bon Jovi said it best....

Get out your spandex, Aqua Net, and hair crimpers because I am HALF WAY THERE!!!!!! Check out that ticker!!! And in honor of this momentous occasion, I have rewritten some lyrics. So please prepare for your first Repair and Renovation sing along.

Livin' With the Band

Once Upon a time I was fat

Never livin' life

Was stuck in a rut....it's tough, so tough

Watching what I ate all day

Working out at night and working out all day

For change - for change

We've got to hold on to what we've got

It doesn't make a difference 

'cause the scales gonna a drop

We've got each other and that's a lot

of blogs - we'll give it a shot

Ohhhh I'm half way there

Woah Livin' with the band

Rub my port, it's right over there

Woah, Livin' with the band

Hope everyone has a great week! Here's to 70 lbs gone FOREVER!!!!!

Incredible Shrinking Wonder Woman

I was walking down the hall this morning at school and I noticed that pictures of our "Good Citizenship" awards had been posted from our last assembly...and I almost didn't recognize myself.

So I went back to find pictures from last year's assembly from around the same time. And here is what I got. Excuse the scribbled over face of the kid next to me and the Wonder Woman costume.

It's funny...I feel more like Wonder Woman now than I did a year ago. I'm going to have to go put my cape on. :)

This Princess DOES NOT Want a Magic Carpet Ride!!!

So I have been thinking about the Disney Princess Half Marathon that I am signed up for in February....and I have a few fears. Let me first mention that the race website states that you should train for a 16 minute mile. Ok so that roughly adds up to finishing this 1/2 marathon in 3 1/2 hours. Here is what the website says:

What happens if I can't keep up with the pacing requirement? Anyone not able to maintain the pace will be picked up and transported to the finish. You may be picked up at any point along the course for not maintaining pace. If you are transported to the finish line for any reason you will not receive a finisher medal.


I have been having this recurring dream that I am whisked off the course by this crazy magic carpet that flies up behind me when I least expect it because I can't keep up with the 16 minute mile pace. It just plays in to my everyday fears of not being good enough, not being pretty enough, not being smart enough and now, not being fit enough to finish at this pace.


During my lunch with Fluffy, she mentioned that I should probably join a training group. (Just one of many fabulous nuggets of advice.) And so I think that is what I am going to do. I have some friends who are willing to run/walk with me on my long training runs but I think I need a little more structure than that.


So that is what I am going to do! Here's to avoiding the "magic carpet" and finishing that race. And just a word of caution to the person who will be "picking people up" during the race....You are going to have to knock this girl out to get me on your cart. You better get ready for a fight because I will be kicking and screaming the whole way and I do not think that is the image Disney would want to portray at the "happiest place on earth"...and I will do it with my tiara ON!

Meeting Fluffy!

I had the honor of meeting "Fluffy" from Losing the Fluff for lunch on Sunday and it was great! We had an awesome lunch and awesome conversation. She is so stinkin' tiny! She has been blogging for about five years now and I can only hope to be as successful as she is. She even offered to teach me how to cook! Yay!

Since she is anonymous on her blog, I didn't take a picture of her but I DID take a picture of her driving away in her sassy SMART car as proof that I didn't make this up! :)

Thanks "Fluffy"! Can't wait to do it again!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Chew Your Heart Out

So this motto this week has been chew, chew, chew and yet I still am having some troubles. Two Fridays ago, I got a fill. I went from 8 ccs to 8.2 ccs. Not a huge jump. The PA was willing to do .5 but I split the difference because I felt like I was close and that would be too much.

So the first week, things went really well. I was satisfied with 4 oz of food. Didn't feel hunger much at all. Lost 4 lbs. Woo Hoo!

Cut to this last Friday. Could only eat half of my cottage cheese for breakfast, which is a little 4 oz container, and it was painful. I could feel it going down and it wasn't just pressure, it was pain. Had chicken tortilla soup for lunch and could only take 6 or 7 spoonfuls before the heartburn took over. At dinner I totally PB'd my chicken and I chewed my heart out with each bite.

Same kind of issues on Saturday. Could barely drink my smoothie from Starbucks, and mashed potatoes for dinner did go over very well either. (But I could sure as hell eat a damn cupcake....it took me two hours but I got it down.)

I have been having this problem now all week. Today I bought some refried beans from Taco Bell because I was desperate to eat something and had two bites, horrible pain and an eventual PB. So I think I am too tight. I called my doctor and they are going to fit me in tomorrow for a slight unfill.

I know that this is the right thing to do but I am scared that I am going to lose the decent restriction that I had before. I guess I just need some encouragement from those of you who have had to have an unfill. Did they take out too much? Do you think I should wait it out a few more days and see if it goes back to how it was right after I got the fill? I need validation!!!!!! :)

Don't Hate Me..

but the scale and I have been getting along lately. (And as sure as I am typing this, it probably won't be true this week.) It seems I lost 4.4 lbs. this week which puts me at 247.6lbs. I have to give credit to training for the half marathon and the nice fill that I got two Friday's ago. I think I am at my sweet spot. Sometimes I am a little too tight in the mornings, but I think as I lose more weight I will settle into this restriction. I can really only eat about 4 oz at at time which I was surprised to find that I had a hard time with. I mean, I have been eating small amounts, but I guess I have been eating closer to 6 oz than 4 oz. Who knew that 2 measly oz would make such a difference. I have had two PBs out at restaurants this last week which leads me to the other part of my post...

I was on the phone with one of my good friends who knows about the band and who also happens to have been at both of the dinners I was at when I had to PB. Most people wouldn't have even known what happened but because she is my friend and because she asked if I was ok, I told her. Well yesterday, we were out at the same birthday party (which happens to be right next door to my favorite cupcake place) and I had been planning on getting a cupcake from there instead of eating the birthday cake. I planned for this cupcake, like watched calories, worked out, and planned for this cupcake. So I got it to go because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to eat all of it. So back to the phone conversation on the way home with my friend. She asked if I got the cupcake and I said yes. Then she said, well you probably won't be able to eat all of it since it is so big and I said I know but I can just save it for later. Then she said well you can always just throw it up and keep on eating.....What?!? After 6 months of watching me go this this new journey is that all that she thinks I am doing? Is that all she thinks this is about? It made me sad but I couldn't talk to her about it because I had people in the car with me who didn't know about the band so I am going to have to talk to her today.

It is crazy how people react to this whole process. And it is proof that people affect my emotions and reactions entirely too much. I guess I just need to get a thicker skin or something.

Happy Sunday!

Just wanted to share a little NSV with you all. I am getting a pedicure as we speak and not only do I fit on the chair but there is a little room to spare!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Difference 6 Weeks Can Make...

I hate taking pictures....but when I can go back and see progress like this, I am glad I did it. Even if you aren't posting your pictures here, I encourage you to take some for your own records. It can be a GREAT pic me up when you are having a bad day, week, or month!

Down and Dirty "I Wish Wednesday"

Don't have much time and I promised myself I would stop reading blogs at work so I could get caught up but it has just been one of those mornings and I needed my girls. So here it goes, just wishes...no explaination today.

* I wish that people would think about what they say before they say it.
* I wish that the fact that I don't have children, wouldn't be used against me in coversations with disgruntled parents and/or employees.
* I wish that I had more time to spend with the students instead of behind my desk looking at a computer screen.
* I wish that I could go to work at 9:00 in the morning instead of 6:30.
* I wish that my condo would sell so I can stop paying two mortgages.
* I wish that I could find a Breast Cancer Awareness shirt to wear to school tomorrow for Think Pink Thursday because my old one is entirely too big.
* I wish that all scales int he world were calibrated so that they all weighed you the same no matter where you are.
* I wish that I could have a day off where I don't get called with a school emergency or I don't feel guilty because I am not up at school.
* I wish that I could go back to school to become a professional photographer.
* I wish that I wasn't so dependent on money, and that it didn't drive my decisions about my future.
* I wish that I wasn't so negative on my "I Wish Wednesday" and that you don't judge me for it. I really am a happy person, I promise!

So glad it is Wednesday. A few minutes ago, I looked up and thought that the calendar said Tuesday and I almost started crying. Anyone else have one of those days?

Grrrr....

Alright girls....I am stressed. STRESSED. Things are crazy at work right now and part of it is my fault and part of it is just the way my job works. I have been so focused on weight loss and exericse that I feel like I have not been able to focus on work as much as I have in the past an it is starting to catch up with me. Unfortunately, in my line of work, when you get behind it not only doesn't wait for you to catch up, it has a tendency to run over you like a freight train....so I guess I am standing on the track, going head to head with a freight train. Is that too much metaphor? :)

Anyway, I found myself thinking about dinner on my way home and how all I really wanted was to take a really big bite of something....is that weird? I just wanted to fill up my mouth and stomach with food so that I could calm the stress demon inside my head. I think it is so crazy how obvious it has become now, that I was and still to some extent, am addicted to not just food but the act of eating. It was like when I was quiting smoking, I was addicted to the act and the habit of lighting up a cigarette just as much as I was addicted to the nicotine. And just in case you were wondering, I didn't go out and get something crazy to eat. I had some wheat thins and a slice of cheese and am completely satisfied right now. Go figure.

In other news, the scale has been super kind to me lately and in order to keep the good karma flowing I thought I would share what I thought has made the difference with the blog world in hopes of helping some of you who have been plateaued like I was over the last few months.

The first big change that I made was to increase and vary my workout lengths. I had been working out for 30 minutes 4 - 5 times a week and my weight was at a stand still. Now I have started pushing myself to go more than my normal 30 minutes. Some days I go 45, some days 40 and last Saturday I went for and hour and a half. Crazy right! I didn't think I could do it but I just kept my music on and pushed forward.

The other thing I started doing was using the daily plate (dot) com to track what I was eating. It was really great at giving me perspective and I was actually eating a lot more calories than I thought I was. Will I use it forever? Probably not but I do think it is a great tool for getting back on track.

Last Friday, I did get a little bit more in my band at my doctor's appointment. I was at 8 cc's and now I am at 8.2 in an 11cc band. I really think I have found my sweet spot. I am not hungry for at least 3 1/2 hours and find that I am really full after about 4 - 5 oz of food. So for those of you who are waiting for restriction, take a lesson from me! It has taken me almost 6 months to get there. Be patient. Use the time to work on behaviors and habits. I think if I had started out at this level of restriction, I woujld have gone crazy. I think we need that time to slowly retrain our brains to think about food differently.

Well, that's my 2 cents for what it is worth. I just have to say again, that I am so grateful for this community. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to go through this on my own. You all mean a great deal to me and you all should take credit in my success! You are the best!

Freaking Awesome!

Woke up this morning, Got on the scale and was met with a happy surprise!!!!!!!!! I am down 60 lbs!!!!!!

For those of you who are at a plateau right now, just keep going. It WILL pay off. I had been sitting on the same number for weeks and even gained 4 pounds last week. Here's to a good visit with my doctor today! Happy Friday!