The Last 7 Days Have Sucked

So in an effort to blog through the bad as well as the good, I am going to share what is going on with me. Last time I posted I was at 198. Today, this morning, I am at 205. I have gained about a lb per day since my last post. And I know exactly how it happened and I did nothing to stop it. NOTHING. Part of it has to do with the fact that I could use a fill but I would rather go on vacation in a foreign country for 3 weeks with people who know nothing about my band and be a little loose than be too tight or risk getting tighter. But until I leave for my trip, I am just.....I don't know....eating everything in sight? And before you think I am exaggerating, I have had ice cream every day this week. Some days more than once. I have eaten when I wasn't hungry and I have knowingly eaten crap and non band friendly foods. I even went out for an ice cream after I had already gotten ready for and climbed into my bed. I just decided that I wanted it, got in my car and drove to the drive thru at 11:00 at night.

So now my friends, the clothes that I have purchased over the last few weeks are starting to get tight, and my overall self esteem has taken a huge hit. There is something wrong. There is something that I am struggling with and need to address but I just don't know what it is... and that is probably the scariest thing about this whole journey. I really must not know myself very well. I am almost a year and a half out and the struggles never get easier, they just change in morph into something different.

I am about to leave for one of the most exciting trips of my life and I feel like I am in a pit....so there it is. My own little pity party. If you finished reading, thank you. :) You are truly a dedicated bunch.

And since writing about my struggles is really hard for me, I just have to say that I did not post this looking for sympathy. I just needed to be honest with this community about where I am, and most importantly honest with myself. And maybe, just maybe, writing this down will help me get back on track.

"After all...tomorrow is another day!" (Said in my best Scarlett O'Hara drawl)

Who the hell is that?

So things have been pretty crazy around here. School finally wrapped up and I am really starting to enjoy summer. My niece and nephew are here for the next two weeks so I wouldn't say I am doing much relaxing but we are having a good time. Today we went bowling, and my 10 yr old nephew picked up the camera and took this picture.



And when I started going through the shots I couldn't figure out who this was. Then I realized...hey! That's me! It was a total out of body experience. (I have no idea what my niece was trying to do in this picture.)

I am still holding steady at 198 and that is ok. It will happen when it happens. I am just kind of enjoying where I am....you know?

I have not been having the best time with my band though. Back in May I had a small unfill. Then 2 weeks ago I was so tight I went back and had .5 taken out and the just last weekend I was really tight again ( ie no liquids would even go down) and had a whole cc taken out and I am still having pretty good restriction. This is really freaking me out for several reasons but the most important is my big trip coming up. I am going to Barcelona, Italy, and Scotland for three weeks at the beginning of July and DO NOT want any complications while I am there. I am considering getting one more unfill before I go. What do you guys think?

Oh! And since this is my first trip overseas any advice is welcome!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Super Powers

I mentioned in my last post that my new hair cut has given me super powers. Case in point.....

totally wearing white pants today!

I know it is crazy but I feel like a totally different person with my new hair cut. You know how a lot of us have a hard time "seeing" the weight loss in ourselves? Well I have suffered from that too. However, I feel like I have completely reinvented myself now.

It was like I expected to see someone different when I lost weight and in some ways I did but I think I was looking for a DRAMATIC difference and let's face it, we can only change so much! I have had my own mini makeover and I can't even begin to describe the emotional changes this has triggered.

In other news, I am hoping that my band behaves today. It has been a little temperamental lately and I am not quite sure what is going on. Happy Thursday!

Getting New Stuff is Fun!

New Hair!

(Which I think has given me super powers)

New Dress

(Sorry, its a little blurry, but it is a size Large!)

And of course.....a new NUMBER is always nice!!!!

It has been a crazy few weeks. We have wrapped up the last of school and all the kids and teachers are happily enjoying their summer break. I am still working but don't mind so much because it is just me up here. It is amazing how much you can get done without kids and teachers around!

I have 27 days until I leave for my summer trip and I am going to work out every day until then. At least that is the plan. I would like to start doing 2 a days....cardio in the morning and the 30 day shred in the evening. So far so good but I am not sure I can keep this up!

I have lots of things that I have wanted to blog about, but just haven't had the time. Hopefully as the summer moves on I will have some more time to get my thoughts out.

I hope everyone is having a great week. I am trying to comment, but depending on where I am, it hasn't been very consistent in letting me do so.

Happy Tuesday!